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PERSONAL ENERGY CARE
BoundariesAs mentioned in the
clearing, centering and grounding exercise, it is very helpful
to have a good strong protective filter between you and the
rest of the world. Although we move in and out of part of each
other's energy fields all the time, each of us should have a
very clear idea of just how much personal space we need.
The extent of our personal space is partly
culturally determined, and depends to a considerable extent
on the space that is normally available to us. Therefore,
people who live in highly populated areas will generally
be comfortable having people physically much closer to them
than those living in rural areas. This can even be seen
from how people shake hands, for instance, with those from
areas of low population stretching forward to shake hands
at a distance, compared with city dwellers who will normally
stand within each other's comfort zone to shake hands,
There are some cultures, like the British,
who generally like to stake out our claim to territory on
public transport, for example. Given half a chance, most
people will spread their goods and chattels out onto any
adjoining seats, clearly stating in a non-verbal way, "This
is my space. Please go and sit somewhere else." On
the other hand, there are other cultures where people are
naturally more gregarious and will all clump together on
a bus, even if they don't know each other, and where there
are plenty of other seats available. Put individuals from
the two cultures together and there's going to be some kind
of clash. The former is likely to feel his privacy has been
invaded, or uncomfortable at least, while the latter will
wonder what he has done or why the other person doesn't
like him.
What is important to recognise, however,
is that no matter what our cultural background, we all have
a need for strong boundaries, however close to our physical
body they may be set. We all need to be able to say in the
back of our minds "This is my space. I am physically,
emotionally, mentally and spiritually safe here. No one
is allowed in unless I invite them." We all have the
right to expect that our person remains inviolate.
Unfortunately, for some people, often through
no fault of their own, they have a very poor understanding
of boundaries or have no expectation that their boundaries
will be respected. This tends to be the case for those who
have been victims of abuse, be it psychological, emotional,
physical or sexual. Their dreadful experiences have led
them to believe that they cannot say "No, I do not
want you near me; I do not want you to touch me; I am a
unique and valued individual and I invoke my right to be
safe, secure and happy". A common phenomenon is that
such individuals will try and create other barriers around
themselves as protection. This may be in the form of putting
on a great deal of weight - padding, in effect - or they
may become hoarders of every form of clutter, literally
barricading themselves away from the world, from any perceived
danger.
Although they almost certainly need some
form of professional help, be it from a psychotherapist,
healer or someone else, or possibly even a range of practioners,
such individuals would probably benefit from an attempt
to re-build their own innate sense of personal boundaries.
This can be incredibly difficult for them as their self-esteem
is likely to be terribly low. However, it should be remembered
that no matter what anyone else has done to us, each of
us is free inside our own heads; Nelson Mandela is a shining
exponent of this philosophy. No matter how long his captivity,
he was always free inside. So, just remembering that we
are free in our heads and in our hearts gives us a tiny
starting enclave where we can create a dream of what we
want and truly need.
If you are being bullied, persuade yourself
to stand your ground, even in tiny ways and even if it's
not against the person most responsible for bullying you.
(Needless to state, if anyone is abusing you in any way,
no matter how scary it may seem, I would advise you to go
and speak to the police or other agencies or help lines
who can help and protect you, or even confide in a friend
or family member if you do not feel that you can do anything
yourself. No one should have to suffer in silence any more.
No matter what threats are made against you or your family,
it is not acceptable that you have to live in fear.) Although
your experiences may have been entirely outside your control,
an abuser needs a victim; if you refuse to play the part
of victim, he or she will be wrong footed and find that
the rules have changed.
Try and do the energy clearing and grounding
exercise that I have suggested; everything that makes you
feel happier and healthier will make you a bit stronger
when establishing your boundaries around your own safe space,
as well as in recognising the kind of behaviour that makes
you uncomfortable or fearful.
One final point to note is that sometimes
people with little sense of boundaries encroach on the boundaries
of others, simply because they don't recognise them. This
may inadvertently lead to misappropriate behaviour, so if
someone seems to be trying to move back a little from you
when speaking, or gets up and moves seat on public transport,
don't take offence by it but look at what signals they may
have been giving that you missed. See what you can learn
from what you've noticed, and try giving other people a
little more physical or emotional space next time
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